Death

I used to wonder whether would I see my grandmother walking by when I was waiting for my bus by the road in the morning.

Her schedule did not change for as long as I can remember. It was always to that coffee shop for coffee at her makeshift table which she kept in a storeroom at the void deck. I remembered the one time I went there to accompany her, I was surprised when she whipped out a bunch of keys to access to this well hidden room at the void deck where some chairs and tables were kept. Talk about exclusivity. I think this is the privilege you get after patronising the same coffee shop daily for twenty years.

I am embarrassed and a little ashamed to say this but I always cross my fingers and hope that I will not bump into my grandma. I have never been close to her (due to some conflicts which are a whole story by themselves) and meetup with her has always been awkward.

Well, now that my grandma is gone, I guess I need not worry about the awkward meet up, the kisses she like to plant on my cheeks and the questions she has of my mom. I should be relieved but that is the last thought on my mind.

Suddenly, her absense seems to make this big hole in my heart, nothing time cannot heal but still…

One grandma and my most beloved mother are left now. I cannot bear to lose any of them, not now, not tomorrow, not fifty years later.